Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Flaming Cheese Productions

It's so weird to be on the job market and in school and then go look up on Sitemeter where my readers are coming from. Hey, I've been there! And there! Ooh, I went to school there! And there! (I've gotten hits from all the UCs except UCSF now; maybe I'll start keeping track of the CSUs, just for kicks. I have only visited half of the UCs and less than a quarter of the CSUs; part of me wants to do a road trip just to collect the complete set. I'm all about complete sets, people.)

Then you get the slightly paranoid feeling: ooh, I applied there, and there, and there, and last year I applied there and there. Are these future colleagues (or maybe future application rejectors) reading my blog? Should I censor myself or start talking about how hard I work instead of pie and how well I procrastinate?

There's also a strange reaction I have when someone from one of the "real schools" like Yale or Hahh-vad has been reading: wait, surely everyone there is too busy creating cold fusion or being fed peeled grapes from the hands of adoring undergraduates to actually do something as mundane as read an academic blog! Just the fact that I call them "real" in my head first thing says volumes about my assumptions about class and academe, assumptions which may or may not be completely fucked up. But those are my thoughts, so there it is.

Having been around a while, I also get a jolt of recognition whenever a school that one of my grad colleagues has gotten a job at pops up. Ooh, look --- someone I know works there! Chances are slim that this random visitor is even in the English department, but it makes me happy anyway.

Ever since I wrote that post asking for help on writing a teaching philosophy (a belated thanks to everyone for the advice, by the way), searches that bring people here have been boring, all consisting of "how to write a teaching philosophy statement for ________" Bleah!. But I have been keeping track of the search phrases that pleased me for a while now, including the title of this post. If ever I start a production company, I swear to you, that is what it shall be called.

And since there's not much going on in my life right now, I thought I'd share some of the most interesting search strings from my sitemeter:

  • eating strange things
  • stupidest question in the world
(I wonder what that would be, anyway? I know about the funniest joke in the world, but...)
  • the rocks in my head
  • is a B minus a bad grade
(answer: that depends. Thanks for joining us on Dr. Cog's Advice Hour!)
  • “win a pre-paid cremation?”
  • lust in leather
(Ooh, I think I didn't live up to what you were looking for, luv.)
  • food poisoning puke
(why yes, that is what grad school can be like)
  • in grad school behind on work can't motivate
(So you came here to hang out with me? Pass the chips and the remote.)
  • hot patterns drainpipe pants
(niiiiice. Reminds me I need to have my 80s party still.)
  • can you hand in a paper late in graduate school
(don't do it, man! the spring I took an incomplete created the wost summer I ever avoided writing a paper in.)
  • is burning rubber smell sign of a brain tumour
(uh, wrong kind of doctor here. Good luck with that one, dude)
  • sculptures made out of everyday objects – pictures
  • should i feel stupid about failing phd field exams?
(stupider than having to google search about it? I kid, I kid.)
  • rabbit stuck in couch
  • Foucault corporate control
(from ralphlauren.com --- creepy!)
  • "i love lucy" ignoring the signs of impending trouble
(from the State of Georgia board of regents web site… someone has to fill me in on this, including what it has to do with me…)

9 comments:

adjunct whore said...

first off, i love that you are as crazy as i am about the job market stuff....how many different ways can the mind torture about randomness having to do with jobs? well, endless possibilities.

but i have no idea how you got the search of threads thingy. i confess, i know very little about my site, who sees it, traffic, i look at basic numbers but that about covers it. i'm just too inept to figure it all out:)

medieval woman said...

Those are lovely search strings! I got one today that was "purring alarm clock", but one time I got one for "big chested medieval beer wench"...which is so *me*, right?

Hang in there on the job market - if they can't see how smart and funny you are, then that's their problem.

And we'll send them letter bombs.

September Blue said...

Maybe the last one relates to some of the situations described in the previous searches? I have a mental image of Ricky Ricardo calling "Lucy, you got some 'splainin to do!" over a couch in which a rabbit is wedged head-down between the cushions.

Neophyte said...

You would not even believe how many hits I get from people in the American South and in developing countries searching for "abstinence," "abstinence education," "abstinence only," etc. I love them.

After I wrote my spoof SOP, I started getting floods and floods of people searching for "how to write statement grad school" or equivalent. Suckaz! As you say, that's what you get for having to google it.

Dr. Curmudgeon said...

I bet that last one is explained by a regent who wasn't quite sure if that really was the overall plot synopsis for every "I Love Lucy" episode or not.

Picture them behind their giant desk, gold pen at the ready, asking themselves, "Wait, is the one where Lucy and Ethel misinterpret something and so have a wasky misadventure that leads to Ricky and Fred trying to teach them a lesson?"

What's scary is that often seems how universities are run.

SEK said...

I distinctly remember being told that flaming cheese was overrated. Do you really want me to associate that with your imaginary future production company?

macgiobuin said...

Its 4 am and I can't sleep and just passing thru (although I might come back. Wife is working on a book and can use your support on time management).

2 observations

How do you subtract a B from a bad grade?

"win a pre paid cremation"

Great marketing tool for an Insurance salesman. First 10 callers.

I know go back to bed.

Chao

Sisyphus said...

I distinctly remember being told that flaming cheese was overrated. Do you really want me to associate that with your imaginary future production company?

Yes, why not ---- flashy, overrated, a burning mess that gets doused at the last minute --- what could be more accurate?

Mmm, cheese!

Niki said...

I am in a rush right now, so I apologize for not leaving a real comment. Just wanted to say that I'm a grad student at UCSF, and a brand new reader of yours. Does that count as a "hit"? If so, now you have a full set. Happy new year.