So I didn't really do anything today, except go to my part-time job. And one of my colleagues there asked me about my article (yeeee!) and my book project. I told said colleague about the revising and then the re-revising and then the proofing of the article, and how, sadly, the book project went into a stall and then languished and I haven't done anything at all with it. Mostly, I said, I've been applying to and being rejected from the spring academic job market, with a large sprinkling of attempts to break into administration in there too.
And then I did a bunch of errands, got my dry cleaning, registered some bureaucratic stuff, etc, and went home, and felt like my day was done. Somehow, this has become my life.
Except it isn't, because now that I am down to my one part-time job I am losing money each month and it won't be long until I have nothing and can't even pay my rent.
So obviously I need to be applying out to jobs, right? Sigh. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I have a long list of jobs culled from last ads week, and I think I am not going to apply to any of them. They are lectureships for comp that are advertised as one-year or term positions, and they are all over the country ---- Florida, Wisconsin, NY, etc. The salary plus the temp nature of these jobs, plus the fact that there will be a huge applicant pile even for these, has all combined to put me off. I'm not saying I wouldn't relocate across the country for a t-t job, I'm not saying I wouldn't relocate for a comp job, and I'm not saying I wouldn't relocate for a visiting or limited term position, but put all of those together for about 30K and I just don't see it as worth it. Hell, if that theoretical comp job was a permanent lecturer position instead of a limited term one, I'd be all over it. But it's not.
And the next step then is to go back to the nonacademic job thingy, but I am so not excited about that. I was whining to my sister a few weeks ago and ended my speech with, "I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, waaaaaa! Figure it out for me!" She laughed and said that of course I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn't find anyone that would pay me for it. She said I had a real calling but it wasn't being properly appreciated. And I guess that's true --- unlike a lot of people I have talked to who ended their PhD burnt out on research or sick of teaching, I still really love it all. To the extent that I have a hard time applying to or even understanding the point of many of these nonacademic jobs.
I have tasked my sister with figuring out what I should be doing now (was on the phone with her again today). She will get back to me. Right now I'm waiting ---- I have academic applications out, but they are recent enough that I don't expect a response quite yet. Or maybe, any minute now. Or, maybe this deafening silence will stretch on long enough to make it clear that they are all going to fill their positions without contacting me. Sigh. It's this total lack of certainty that's the real killer. Ideally I could hear back from them soon and get hired for something and move off to some new place.
Or, less ideally, I could move back in with my parents or sister (still haven't negotiated that cat thing, though!) or my cousin and start over and really throw myself into the nonacademic local job search. I don't feel like doing this yet, because of the previous idealistic paragraph. But then again, I have been in this holding pattern for---? I was going to say since January, but really, let's count the fall job market too. Argh.
My sister suggested I might have to move twice and that I should just get on with it. But then when I asked if she would help me move (baby sister whining alert!), she said yes but then took it back for until after my niece graduates. So I'd stay here until the end of spring semester then throw myself on the charity of whatever family member I can. I can handle that, I think.
That leaves now until mid-June here in GradSchoolLand. What should I be doing with myself? I could continue on as is --- acting as if my pt job was a regular full time job and just hang out the rest of the time, while trying to spend as little money as possible. Or I could apply for those damn temp lecturer positions. Or...? What? Revise my book? Apply to crappy nonacademic jobs even though I don't live in the area yet? Watch a lot of movies? Start a hobby? I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.