Saturday, May 1, 2010
Still crawling through the desert of joblessness
Sigh. This week is exactly like last week: nothing to report, but nothing completely over with either. Argh. I'm still playing phone tag with someone in the HR of a CC that, I think, wants to interview me. But Sleepy Woman, from the lack of energy and interest in the messages she leaves on my phone (or her own voicemail message, for that matter), doesn't sound like that is a very likely or exciting possibility.
A while back I had decided that I need to just give it up and move back into my parents' house, but then little things keep popping on the horizon that look like possibilities, and I think, hey, I might be able to get this one and why bother dealing with moving if I'm going to be moving somewhere permanent soon anyway? Then that oasis turns out to be a mirage, and I keep crawling along.
What's worse, I keep seeing interesting postdoc-type things and other job possibilities appear on the chronicle and whatnot. And one of my friends keeps sending me everything she can find for me to apply to. I could extend this waiting and wishing stage and my underemployment straight on through to next fall's job search. Siiiiiiiiigh. I don't want to do that, but I feel like I should be applying to stuff, you know, trying harder, actually doing something to solve my life, instead of just sitting around waiting for the latest search committee to reject me.
Thing is, it's very hard to apply to nonacademic jobs while I still have academic ones on the string. I've basically given up and can't bring myself to apply to The Gap or whatever else local is hiring when I have this feeling of "any moment now my time will come" on these jobs that are juuuust out of reach there, full of cool shade and shining water. I think I need to move away and force myself to completely give up on academic employment before I can make myself really go for the nonacademic search in a serious way. Which then leads back to the thinking above. Why can't search committees just hand you the job at the end of the interview and say, here, have a beer! You're hired!
And I certainly haven't been doing anything to make my candidacy more attractive, like writing anything or even reading anything. Not even fun stuff like going for walks or to the beach. Basically, waiting around and sitting around feeling depressed are full-time enterprises that do not leave room for actual activities, not even for applying to more jobs. It sucks. Basically I have totally failed on my new year's resolutions, cause I haven't even been cooking, what with all my health things still going on unresolved, and haven't been pushing myself to go outside or socialize with people or anything else I dedicated myself to doing. Even the poor cats are feeling neglected ---- not for food or petting, but I haven't brought out the cat toys and really exercised them for months. Poor kitties.
Bleah. This may stay like this until the end of the month. I keep trying to start some project or read something or watch something or just break the lassitude, but it falls by the wayside after a couple of days. I'm just keepin' on keepin' on. Thing is. that's both really boring and not doing anything for my sense of having a life.