Friday, August 24, 2012

How to assess for P.I.E.

First, before you assess for PIE you must determine which sort of PIE program you are implementing. For PIE with a graham cracker crust you will need to skip these questions and instead do worksheet 67295-Schedule F for flakiness. Savory PIE will not be considered under this assessment, nor will cakes, tarts, crullers or roulades.

The first step is to return to the mission statement for your PIE and compare it to the finished product. Does your mission statement emphasize deliciousness? Or perhaps it concentrates on sweetness, piping-hotness, or freshness of the fruit. Be sure to only evaluate using the categories included in the mission statement --- a lemon meringue pie will not fulfill the criteria of a PIE exit exam that has been calibrated for a blueberry pie with whipped cream, no matter how outstanding it is, and vice versa.

Restate the intended objectives (note: perhaps it is best not to dwell on the "outcomes" once you have "inputted" this PIE) for the PIE along with the measures and criteria for determining outstanding PIE-ness. (PIE-itude?) Will you use a Likert scale for deliciousness or the number of satisfied belly pats after consumption? Will you be counting "mmm"s or assessing their loudness and duration? How will you assess for messiness and are you valuing it as a benefit or a demerit? And why didn't you bring me an extra fork? Asshole. Move over.

Next you should (smack, hmm!) develop and implement an assessment plan: how often will you be assessing (mmm) and who will be conducting this assessment --- part of the department? An outside panel of experts? Professional (turn the tin further, please) pie-makers? As this assessment plan is conducted, the assessment team should (nom) write up the results as a report and distribute the report to (smack) the proper channels. Before beginning actual assessment you should determine who would most benefit from the PIE assessment (no, more whipped cream right there) results: what institutional levels or outside accreditors would benefit from this information? What should be disseminated (urp) to the public or to those involved in the PIE process themselves? (pat, pat) How long will you store the resulting report and who should have access to it?

Also be sure (urp, smack smack) to document the strengths and weaknesses of this PIE and determine improvements that need to be made to future PIEs and the PIE program. This is very important and is called "closing the loop" or in French, pâte à choux. All good assessment programs need to have this even if it may seem irrelevant to PIEs per se.

Having given you an overview of the process, it is time to begin. What? What do you mean you don't have any PIE?!?!?!? You fucking idiot! How do you expect to assess for PIE without actually having a PIE? Completely unprofessional; (urp) I can't believe this. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm not sure I should even let this program continue at this rate.

This post brought to you by a department meeting that did not serve food.


Spanish prof said...

I serve for a year and a half in a university committee that was in charge of assessing how the university does assessment. Only problem: university was not doing assessment at that point. It still didn't stop the committee from having Kafkaesque meetings every month for a year and a half.

Dr. Koshary said...

I have to admit that I cannot clearly identify what made me laugh harder: this post, or Spanish Prof's comment thereon. The idea of meeting for 18 months about assessing assessments that weren't happening in the first fucking place is hilarious, never mind the impression I have of literature profs on the committee uneasily recalling Joseph K. and looking over their shoulders.

Spanish prof said...

I have an amazing amount of anecdotes about that time (the handout with appropriate and not appropriate words to be included in the syllabus, for assesment purposes, was one of them).

But I have a friend who served in the space committee, and it sounds ten times worse. Not only has she been yelled at a number of times by random faculty, but the Associate Dean, who is a member of the committee... makes joked about aliens every two meetings!!!

Sisyphus said...

Poor Spanish Prof! That is the height of craziness. I hope, at least.