Folks, if you’re just tuning in to K-COG you are in for some exciting times. A low-pressure front moving in from the north, coupled with vast temperature changes stemming from the incoming marine layer means that we are scheduled to see some actual advisor sightings any time now. Our forecasters tell us that we should see sprinklings of advisor sightings and graduate advisor sightings, with even a few committee members, before this front pushes them further into the Southland, where, Academiforcaster Bob tells me, there will be torrents of advisor appearances, it will be, almost literally, raining advisors later this month. Over to you, Bob.
Bob: Yes viewers, it is just as Jim has been telling you. Although we don’t see any actual advisors at this moment, academicorological conditions predict that soon, very soon, we will be deluged in advisors --- and not a minute too soon, Jim, for California has been in a drought of advice and we really need advisors for those thirsty little job candidates to grow! Back to you, Jim.
Jim: Why don’t you explain, Bob, for the benefit of our viewers, exactly how you’ve been tracking the advisor developments. Could we see the maps?
Bob: Of course Jim. Here you’ll see a very promising local map without the pressure systems, but with the advisor clusters marked in green.
Jim: Uh, Bob. I’m not seeing any moving masses of advisors there. Am I missing something?
Bob: We have every confidence that the advisors, despite all evidence to the contrary, are appearing and are indeed moving this way!
Jim: So … we have recorded hallway sightings then, Bob?
Bob: Not a one, Jim.
Jim: What about our email Doppler radar, Bob?
Bob: We’ve sent out multiple missives but have not yet recorded any contacts.
Bob: Nary an advisor in sight.
Jim: The preschool?
Bob: It’s like a virgin wilderness, free from even the shadow of an advisor.
Jim: Bob, weren’t you telling me that advisors were sighted at the recent department party?
Bob: Uh, no Jim. I forgot to go to that. Sorry about that. But we do have the perfect academicorological conditions for the appearance of advisors any day now.
Jim: But you were at the job market meeting, Bob. Do you have any footage of at least Job Placement Advisors, if not the perfect storm of Dissertation Advisors with Attendant Committee Members?
Bob: Well Jim, funny you should say that. You would think that, with the time of day, the wind, the UV index, the title of the meeting, it would have been the perfect conditions to see some JPAs, but, surprisingly, there were a dearth of advisors present at that meeting. Crowds turned out for the historic occasion but there were only sprinkles of job market advice. … But we have GPS satellites scanning the area and email tags primed for tracking and we are ready to leap into action at the first glimpses of an advisor!
Jim: So, Bob, what you are telling me is that none of our scientific instruments have sighted any advisor activity and there are absolutely no signs of advisors on the immediate horizon … why, then do you think that, contrary to all the evidence, advisors will appear?
Bob: Well, it’s the right season, isn’t it?