Dr. Coggleton-Smythe's field guide for the tracking and capture of that most elusive creature, Advisorus Doctorus.
Ahem, wot wot! Advisorus Doctorus, commonly known as the Greater or Major Advisor, depending on what side of the Ganges you are on, is a being of such insidious behavior as to be considered almost mythical.
Explorers differ on the Greater Advisor's size and tail length, with some reports pegging it at the size of a small toaster and others reporting a height of 7 to 8 feet. Discrepancies may stem from this little blighter's incredible abilities of camoflauge and propensity to scuttle off into hiding at the slightest noise. Most captured Advisors, however, fall into the 5 or 6 footer range, not counting the antlers.
Reports of poisonous, bloodsucking Advisors have been, for the most part, completely discredited as actually having been encounters with another creature, la chupacabra, a species thought, until very recently, thought to be completely mythical, much like the Advisor. Indeed, the Advisor relies far more heavily on defensive tactics than aggressive ones. Its skill in evading observation, or even detection, stems from its pronounced sense of wariness. This bally little blighter's heightened senses and skittish nature protect it while it gathers acorns, which it collects in massive caches known as "tenure binders." Finding that its aquisitive habits serve it well, the Advisor continues these behaviors long after the caches have outlived their usefulness.
Although the Advisor is not a morning creature, it is of utmost importance that you arrive early and set up your blind long before the Advisor's usual migratory hours ---- the slightest noise will send them scuttling away into the massive network of underground tunnels that protect its nest. Often Adivisor hunters use coffee as bait, but I have found that cookies in the communal watering-hole not only draw Advisors but also afford a fascinating glimpss of a cross-section of the local wildlife.
Eh, wot's that? By Jove, I think you've got one! Reel it in slowly and watch out for the hooves ---- Oh, oh, terribly sorry, that's just a common Grad Advisor, a Bureaucratus Paperous. Rotten luck there. Well, righto, toss it back. You see, you have to have patience to hunt the truly rare and exceptional creatures!
Now, boil me up another pot of tea to go with these cookies and bait the trap again...