Saturday, November 14, 2009

Dear Internet, Please bring me a banana and inform my next of kin that the end is nigh

And please inform my cats' next of kin because I am going to kill them as soon as I recover my strength. Cats, nature's alarm-clock --- bah! I am sure I would have recovered fine if certain little furry troublemakers hadn't awakened me at 6:30 and then continued to torment me.

If I hadn't had to get up and feed them and then stop them from chewing on various things (Loquito found a stack of papers that had paperclips in them! And discovered that chewing and trying to extract the paperclips from the stack while standing on top of it is a new and exciting hobby! Which can only be done while meowing loudly and growling at the other kitty!) I am sure my body would have been able to Sleep it Off. Instead, since I was unable to fall back asleep it decided to Take Drastic Measures. I feel so horrible.

I hate my cats, and I hate the noise of people walking up and down the path outside of my apartment. And I hate shiny happy mister sun who is so goddamned cheerful and insistent on peeking into my bedroom window. And how my beautiful apartment setup is actually a stupid and horrible apartment setup because there is horrible glare on the tv set all afternoon, when really all I want to do is lie on the couch and watch something mindless.

I do like though how I left in so many intentional errors and jokes in my post last night but then wrote the exact same sentence twice and didn't catch it. That's some good drunkblogging right there. I'm also sure that I must have had a look of extreme serious concentration on my face while writing it and that it was priceless.

I do not, however, love wine. I think we are going to have to remain aloof acquaintances for a while after this. Obviously when I thought to myself, "yay! I'm not the DD and I'm already home! I can drink as much as I want!" I did not think through all the ramifications of this.

Please send me mindless and entertaining pictures and sites on the internet. Nothing of food though. And make sure the pictures don't move.

4 comments:

squadratomagico said...

Try sake! No hangover, and (around here at least) you can get a cheap, quite drinkable version from Trader Joe's in-house brand.

All the drunkenness and none of the hangover! It's a winning combination!

Dr. Brazen Hussy said...

Thank you for the laugh. :)

And I am sure that you and wine will work things out and get back together soon.

If you haven't seen it already, here is a site full of non-moving pictures that have brought me hours of entertainment:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

And my word verification is ablenunb. One letter away from ablenumb. I don't know what that means but it is funny.

vaginaphilosophy said...

Brazen Hussy--I just wasted an hour on that website! I don't even know where to begin.

Did you check it out yet Sisyphus? Warning though, the laughing might make your hangover headache hurt.

phoenixcomplex said...

The Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky galleries never get old, at least for me: links at the bottom; info at the top. I'm also out of sorts today and want only to look at intriguing images and try to get my f'ing sinuses to quit hurting. I hope you're feeling better!