Job Eavesdropping

For this story to make sense, I have to give a little background on my office.

Now, the people I'm teaching for don't have lots of institutional power, and that is reflected in the square footage they control on campus. Thus, I get to use an office --- which I have been greatly appreciative of --- that is shared by about 4 or 5 other adjunct lecturers and is also being used to store lots of random disused office furniture. I'm not on the same floor or even the same building as either my home department or the department I am working for. And whatever, that's fine. I haven't even ever seen any of my other officemates this quarter.

Today, coincidentally, I posted my little post about job things while holding office hours after no more students showed up. I had my door open and was surfing the web, when I hear someone down the hall with hir door open, making a call. I've talked to this person maybe three or four times in the hallways; zie is very nice and seems to have a job that keeps hir stuck in this rather underpopulated hallway and kinda likes to have some human contact.

My ears pricked up, then, when I heard this person leave a voicemail message about a job posting. Hmm, I think. That might be the one on this campus I applied for. A little while later, the phone rings and I start listening in on the conversation, because this person is clearly describing the job posting as well as its current status and backstory. How could I not? I was just complaining that I know nothing about this type of job search and I feel like sending out staff/nonacademic job applications feels a lot like the black hole of academic job applications.

Now this job is a contract job --- hours, no benefits. And they only want to offer around 40 or 50% time. Frankly, I was thinking of it as a "backup" rather than a "real" job. So I was chagrined to hear this administrator type person tell the caller that they have already moved on to a first cut, but that the top candidate had bowed out already and zie was calling to let this other person know to apply.

"I've told Director X that you might be interested in the job and I can cc you both and you send in a resume to have it looked at," said the administrator person. "I also had mentioned in the initial screening that they would be more likely to get someone good and hold them if the time was bumped up and Director X is going to go to the higher ups and try to get this up to 75% time. I mean, it's not ideal, but it's a job. And you have three years experience with these contracts --- I don't think there's really any learning curve to go from NSF to this stuff."

Sigh.

So much for that one.

But a useful learning experience nonetheless. Clearly the networking and "secret job list" effect is much stronger on the staff side than the academic side of the university, and also, at least in this recession type time, hard experience in the field is going to trump any sort of "but I have lots of generally applicable skills!" type statements. And this job was not a particularly plum one because it is not even full time, but this little conversation is making me wonder if I know how to read these job ads and how to find the appropriate level to apply to.

I sent off a bunch of apps recently that were not for entry-level jobs, and I think I'm going to need to aim much lower on the career ladder. The thought of dropping all the way down to the lowest dept. secretarial support is humbling and annoying, partly because those jobs run about 8 bucks an hour but mostly because I was believing all the crap about my PhD having wonderful skills that I could teach people to recognize and appreciate. I think I am going to have to start over on the absolute bottom, as if I had just graduated from undergrad. And I'm wondering if anyone would even consider someone outside of the area for those types of jobs --- maybe I'm going to need to lie and use my cousins' or parents' home addresses and apply to stuff near their houses?

The good news is that rather than being depressed about this discovery, now I am seeing this as a puzzle, a tough nut to crack, and that plus my whole "fuck you I won't do what you tell me" attitude, which often extends as far as cutting off my own nose to spoil their face, will probably combine advantageously. (being given no advice whatsoever and told there was no way I was going to finish was wonderful motivation for finishing the PhD. Or at least the thought of showing everybody up was.) I like solving problems; what is this problem? what are the secret ways in? how to disguise myself as what they want?

Relatedly, while a lot of the administrative jobs sound horrible --- anything with marketing/sales type stuff, or living in the student dorms, bleah --- I'm liking the thought of these more problem-solving, analysis-oriented type jobs. I'd rather have a job that centers on solving problems or negotiating ideas or bureaucracies than a really people-intensive job, like this person working away in a random deserted wing of a building. Teaching is face-time-intensive, true, but it is also a very controlled, one-way performance that I like.

So the question is how to get this sort of experience and break in to this type of job. Especially when I'm not seeing entry level grant/analysis/coordinating/development type jobs being posted. It could just be a matter of timing? Where should I look to get the info on this type of job --- other than hiding in that wing with the door propped open?

Looooong Day

Bleah. I've already been up for a really long time, getting stuff done in time for all my jobs and things. And it's not even noon. Now I have some down time, but then I'll have to go off to another job late this afternoon, and I am already tired and grumpy.

I should be looking for jobs/applying to them/making to-do lists and career schemes, but as I said, I am tired and grumpy and don't feel like doing anything. Meh! I keep logging in to some job websites to check on the status of my applications. If the nonacademic world moves so much faster, why hasn't anyone moved my job apps from "submitted" to "processing" yet? *Pouts.*

I don't really have anything else to say. I should go off and do something now. I am going to be so glad when I go down to being practically unemployed in a few weeks. Well, that will only be relaxing for a short time before the anxiety gets overwhelming, what with the lack of a paycheck and all, but I need a rest and some time to pump out some more job apps. (Or get some freakin callbacks already!)

And go read this for an accurate feel for the inside of my brain lately. Except I can't have alcohol with this stomach medication. Double, triple meh, I say!

Weekend Update

So although I've been going to bed ridiculously early --- like barely making it to 9:30 --- and sleeping in later on top of that, I managed to get a fair amount of stuff done today.

I made a grocery list and got groceries (before breakfast, no less! but that's what happens when you don't feel like going out for milk the night before) and spent a couple hours blazing through some short grading assignments. Then I also cleaned the bathroom and cooked a big ol' pot of gumbo.

I don't think the gumbo is going to turn out well, however, because I was going off of two different recipes from two different sources, and tossed in salt way too early in the process, so the kidney beans are still all hard. Ah well. The good news is I have something cheffed up for the week so I can grab stuff for lunch (and dinners on the late days). I chopped up a bunch of stuff for a stir-fry too, which I might make tonight so that I have so much leftovers I don't have to cook this week.

Oh, and I caught up on the dishes and sorta cleaned the kitchen. My cats are magic and can sense when I have freshly mopped the floor, so it is no longer pristine, sigh. And since I was cooking the gumbo, the stove is still filthy. And the inside of the fridge is as well. The freezer thingy has frozen down into a tiny hole, too. But those I will deal with later. Preferably much later. At least I got all the cleaning stuff and vacuum cleaner put away --- they were out in the bathroom all week, because I kept saying I was going to get to cleaning it, and instead I just constantly tripped over things and I think it made me even more depressed.

Meh. I did get some job apps off yesterday; I should work up some more today, but I also have a hundred pages of a novel to read and a lecture to prep for Monday. I need to do that first; it's making me stressed. Although, if I did a crappy job, or didn't hold class at all, what the hell would happen to me? What are they gonna do, not hire me back?

Ahahahahahahahaha! Heh.

I kill me sometimes.

Is it Friday yet?

Forget that, is it retirement age time yet? I am tired of thinking about this. I'm working three jobs, for slightly less than what my old TAships pay, all part time and without benefits, and between that and transportation between them, or having random holes of half hours between them here and 45 minutes there, I just don't have the time or energy to apply to jobs.

Of course, the classes (which are the majority of my income) are going to dry up when the quarter does, so I will have far more time than I'd like, and probably not have anything lined up so quickly, so that's scary too. But I just can't make myself apply to jobs at 9 or 10 at night after working. Sure, I can find jobs, just not get the crap together and my brain sharp enough to proofread stuff before actually sending it off. So I've got like twenty browser tabs open for twenty different jobs all in different professions, and no energy to actually fill out something. Meh.

I'm definitely too tired to think tonight. Hell, I'm too tired to get off the couch tonight. Maybe I should sit here and play online blackjack to raise money.

Lowered Expectations

Sigh.

While looking around for any sort of staff or office job openings in places I'd be willing to live, I'm also going through college and university web sites for any sort of admin type of position that might possibly look survivable. Development is out, because I would drop dead of a heart attack from the thought of cold-calling for money, and schmoozing warm contacts for money doesn't sound any easier. But, you know, anything that might recognize me as a candidate, or just even be familiar with the idea of someone who has advanced degrees on the resume, I'm thinking that they will be more likely to not toss my app immediately. So, you know, admissions, undergrad advisors, department manager or the MSO's staff --- secretaries, whatever.

I was going through this one university employment web page because I thought I had seen a posting for a staff position --- and I had. It was for coordinating a new interdisciplinary program. I don't know if they'd hire someone straight in at the supervisory level. Anyway, when I finally found it I saw they were hiring a lot of faculty in addition to the staff positions. Including one interdisciplinary position that pulls on my area of expertise, although they might want a different discipline name on the cv.

Sigh. Would it look weird if I applied for the faculty position and the secretarial one? It would look strange, wouldn't it. I'm putting in for just the secretary slot. And I don't want to hear about how I have even less chance at it than the slim chance for the faculty position.

:(

Replacement Shopping

You know, I may have forgotten how to blog. Let's see if I can just type random things in here and see if I get my skills back.

I need new black boots. You'd think this makes me happy but it doesn't. I mean, new black boots? WTF!!! I have those! Why can't I spend my money on something entirely new and different that I don't already have? Like, um, purple boots! Or teal! Or neon orange wellies!

And when I was thinking this as I was assessing the damage to my boots (they've leaked water for a while, now there are some tears right along the tabs where I pull them on), I realized why I both like and hate shopping, and why it is so hard for me to get rid of stuff.

I have a terrible time dumping ruined or old clothing and then replacing it. It seems that this does nothing to satisfy my shopping urges, for "replacement" is almost like not buying anything, there's no newness, no fresh idea, no feeling of infinite possibility. This is why I have several coffee-stained khakis and haven't bothered to get new ones. I have khakis and I don't want to buy any more. Even though they are not really acceptable for teaching any more because I am a slob who spills things. Cleaning these "basics" out of my closet doesn't give me any feeling of accomplishment either, since I'm not really making any room if I'm just going to buy new ones. And nobody walks in and compliments you on nice clean khakis without stains the way they do when you walk in with some sort of new and different pant or skirt combo.

This explains why I have so many different colors of shoes in my closet right now, as I've been tempted, off and on lately, to buy shoes and I always get something totally unlike everything else in my closet. And this works for shoes since my clothes are pretty boring, so when my other "basic black" shoes got too beat up I got rid of them and didn't replace them. Unless you count the embroidered or the rainbow or the snakeprint shoes. But this tactic does not work for dress pants and it doesn't work for rainboots.

Of course, we've probably had our two rainstorms for the year already and I could hold off until next year. That's what I did last year, after all. Which led to me forgetting all about it, wearing the boots like normal all fall, and then being unpleasantly reminded of their new non-waterproof status during the big deluge. But the little tears are bad enough that I can't be seen in public with them any more --- it looks like they are flaking apart up by the cuff. Meh.

I need new fuzzy house slippers as well, as long as I'm complaining about things I don't want to bother replacing. See how long it takes me to get to those purchases.

And while we're on the subject of boots, I've been smitten by that knee-high-boot-over-skinny- jeans look. Mainly because it showcases the whole boot, unlike boots under pants. And I love the really warm brown leathers and simple gold hardware that are on a bunch of boots these days. But besides the fact that I just bought some new jeans (took a long time to get around to replacing the old ones of those, too) and they are rather flared instead of skinny, I worry that being short and, uh, plump, would not go well with the boot-jean look. I mean, I look really stumpy and wrong in those tiered broomstick skirts everyone was wearing a while back, and the same with maxi dresses. I am a squat little square not a rectangle, and the horizontal line of the boot tops would probably cut me up like skirt lines do. And I'm not really skinny legged to fit that skinny jean look either. This wouldn't resolve the black boot dilemma, anyway.

I wonder if all this resistance would go away if I had a job with a real paycheck. Maybe. I'm certainly interested in getting a new couch or new desk. Oh, that reminds me ---- there's a chair out by my recycling that I was tempted to exchange for my crappy desk chair. Both are crappy cheap office chairs from officemax, but mine has arms. Arms that are crumbling apart and have big chunks missing from either cat damage or slobby-me damage, depending on which square inch you are looking at. But even though those arms look terrible, I still like having arms on my chair, so I left the other one out by the recycling. And then it got rained on so the point is moot. Moot like a boot. Heh. See what I did there?

Ulcers! Awesome.

I still need to undergo more tests to discover to what extent my anguish is mental vs. immunological or gastrointestinal (to say nothing of existential), but I am back to eating some things. Just crying all over a doctor and having a massive breakdown over the whole situation did wonders. It's amazing how much I wanted an authority figure to tell me that X was wrong and Y was definitely right and give me some rules to follow unthinkingly.

In other news, I was surprised by a couple writing-sample requests for some VAP-y things, and I sent them my articles. ... Meh. You'd be amazed how meaningless all that stuff seems to you when you are obsessed with being unable to breathe.

And just to continue my position as the poster child for why you should not go to graduate school, let me remind all those prospective grad students that we've been here, metaphorically, before.