My parents just called. I think it's been, what, a month since I called and talked to them? I guess it's nice that they wanted to check in and make sure that I haven't died and my corpse been gnawed on by my cats, but eh. Why does their way of showing their care and concern for me have to come in the form of constant nagging? Do you have a job, why don't you have a pt job yet, can you still pick up something at the uni, do you have health insurance, what are you going to do about health insurance between now and winter, what about your student loans, what about retirement, have you mailed off any of your stories yet*, why haven't you heard back about those stories yet, have you applied to any fall jobs yet, when is the list of full-time jobs coming out, is your car still running, you know if you are having any trouble with your car you can have your brother look at it, how are those cats doing.
Seriously people. I keep telling you that I have enough money to get by right now and just do my writing. Why do you have to raise my anxiety level and make me feel like OMG I need to apply to McDonalds right now tonight to cover the rent OMG OMG where's my health care and retirement savings wow what a total loozer OMG!
I can't talk to them right now without feeling like a total failure. And I think this is a game I can't win --- if I get some sort of full-time job they'd move right up the pyramid to my savings and retirement and down payment on a house and getting a husband for the proper production of 2.5 children.
Last time I called them I felt so crappy --- I think I said this before ---- that I couldn't make myself write, couldn't get out of bed, spent hours staring at crappy part time want ads for receptionists and telemarketers with loathing. I just want to cry.
*that's what they call academic articles. And they know that they're not fiction, but maybe they are thinking that it works in the level of newspaper stories, because they do not understand that these things have a slow turnaround at all.