Why do my ankles/shins hurt? Is it the stress of too much sitting, like I am that out of shape? Is it the abrupt change in weather? I do not know. But they hurt and are annoying. And I'm cold.
I am in the middle of an unproductive slump, but I went back and looked at my posts and diary stuff from the last few years and noticed that I have a slump, with ups and downs, every December. This year is just a little bit earlier, and I think that's because I am less busy by virtue of being unemployed. I have academic stuff to do, but most of it doesn't have to get done by any particular date (except those damn recalled library books rrrr!), so it is extra extra hard to make myself do it.
My cat insisted on sleeping on me all afternoon. It was very cute. It was way less cute when they both played soccer on my head all night; I certainly didn't get much sleep that's for sure. I could blame my lack of work or even reading productivity on that, except I slept extra long the night before and didn't really do much yesterday either. Sigh.
Really, I stick around here every year so that I'll have an extra week or so to "really get my work done" before visiting family, and then don't do any, and basically spend every December sitting around being depressed waiting for it to be over so that I can know one way or another about my job search, just sitting waiting for the time to pass while I get another year older and closer to death and my eventual reliance on the productive citizenry of society to support my aging carcass. Gah!
I would toss the to-do list to the winds and just do something pleasurable to pass the time, really make it a break, except that a) there's nothing around here I really want to do and b) no money to spend. I feel like going into genuine hibernation, bear-style, but that seems kindof a waste as well. I dunno. I'll find some way to pass the time or climb out of this funk. Sigh.
And you people are not helping either, with your dearth of posts and funny stories on your blogs! Why do you not entertain me and find me funny games to play on the internet! Or bring me snacks (I've had more than enough hot chocolate today, for warmth, to undo all my progress losing weight the past month.)
And worst of all, I reread stuff like this and think, ohno, am I turning into the Vortex of Negativity I wrote about earlier? Will I need to start censoring this from the blog too? Sigh. My life is so dull as it is that if this doesn't function as my id and space for ranting I won't have anything to post on it at all.
Distract me, people! Take me out of my head. It's not a very nice place to be right now.