Today I spent a half hour on my book revisions! Yay! And then I got papers and am already behind on my daily grading quota. No, I'm not going to grade right now --- I got up at 6 after one of those horrible nights where you go to bed but aren't tired and don't fall asleep. That's the only problem with weekends ---- all week I fight to be a morning person and get crap done before my early class, and then the weekend hits and I am unable to stop thinking and go to bed as early as I do on weeknights, and the weekend is just long enough to totally screw up my early morning schedule. Meh.
In other news, I have been sharing this link to a letter by Charles Darwin, because it makes me happy. I love to hear that other people --- particularly brilliant and notable scholars --- have grumpy days. Days where, as the letter says, "I am very poorly today and very stupid and I hate everybody and everything." Dude! That's me, every morning! That's me every time I start work on my writing or research! I mean, if I can get through the first fifteen minutes of bitching or so, I get into a groove and actually enjoy myself and my work (it takes coffee), but I always have to work myself up over the hump of sheer pissyness. And you know how that doesn't always happen, amirite?
Darwin goes on to state "I am going to write a little book for Murray on orchids and today I hate them worse than anything." Awwww! Go you, Darwin! I know exactly how you feel. And I love to see that behind the facade of public politeness, or competence, people feel frustrated and tired and annoyed and grumpy just like me. One of the biographies I was reading for my actual research had this statement which I absolutely loved, about how the author's father was a bit of a fuck-up who never figured out what he should be doing in life, even though he seemed outwardly successful, and was constantly dissatisfied and constantly feeling ignorant and incompetent. Those totally weren't the actual words, but it made me happy to see that other people, who look like they are grown-ups, go through the same feelings of confusion and lost-ness that I get. And it used the word supercilious, which is just awesome. Kinda reminds me of orchids, those smug supercilious bastards.
I actually just made some of my students read one of the classic pseudological works that goes deep into this kind of bitching about research — very much in the vein of "I hate everybody! This sucks! I should have gone to law school!" I find it unsettling how much I relate to the text, given how unpleasant the author clearly was. Still, it offers a certain comfort in the knowledge that I am not alone in finding this stuff hard and frustrating at times.
This has nothing to do with the actual substance of your post, but I am randomly amused by the confluence of consecutive titles in my blog feed: "Oh I Hate the MLA Conference" "And I Hate the Orchids Worse Than Everything."
I love found poetry, fretful, so it makes for a wonderful reaction to my post!
I myself am well-know for saying, "I hate everything" at least once a week. Maybe I could be the next Charles Darwin?? (Well, except for the science part.)
For some reason your comment made me think of an "I hate everything t-shirt" with that grumpy Darwin cartoon on it. I would totally buy one of those!
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