*whimper*
Still waiting. Although I think that now I need to start preparing myself for the rejection. I keep replaying in my head what went well and what went poorly at the interview and self-flagellating. (mentally.) I am working up to it. Right now I am at about 5 minutes of continuous contemplation of not getting the job and the need to totally re-plan the future. I will try to extend that time period to 6 minutes through repetition and practice.
Also.
I cancelled the Last Chance Saloon interview. Backed out. Rejected it. Which was supposed to be yesterday. No, wait --- today. This afternoon. I didn't feel like I had the time to prepare a demo on something I haven't actually done or planned yet for a below-transfer class, drive an exceedingly long distance, go through all that crap, and come back, and also deal with grading and class prep. Of course, as soon as I did that, I started kicking myself. You're about to be unemployed! Don't pass up an interview for anything ever! I can't tell if I am making a wise decision or am choking in the home stretch, which is certainly a talent of mine. But I thought about my struggles to deal with my rural unprepared students, and how much I dislike anything that has to do with their interests, and thought about how this other place was even more rural and impoverished, and I thought: would I rather not work in anything education-related at all and have to move back home than take that job?
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And I sent that email. Jeezus, this has been a stressful break. It's shaping up to be one shitty summer.
9 comments:
Sometimes you go with your gut. If you're pretty sure that exploring non-academic options is a better idea than trying to make the Last Chance Saloon work, then, yes, better to make that decision now than waste the prep/travel time to go to the interview (or even another year or two trying to make the position work).
Now use the time you would have spent on prep and travel on self-care and/or exploring other options. The grading and prep do have to happen, but, at this point, you really should be minimizing the effort you put into the current job (with emphasis on doing whatever you think might actually be useful to at least some of your students, regardless of what your current department values. You do have a responsibility to your students; you have much less responsibility at this point to your department or institution).
Definitely don't beat yourself up about not doing an interview for a job you don't want in a place that is unattractive to you. There are lots of other things to do in the world!
I agree with people that you don't need to put blood into your grading this semester. But make sure that you do what you need to have a good reference of some kind from your current colleagues,
Is moving back in with family your only option when you leave Hot Place? If you would be willing to take a break from higher education, what about moving to someplace with a low unemployment rate and seeing where job apps take you? (I hear surprisingly good things about North Dakota.) is that too crazy impractical? It was my best backup plan in grad schools, and I always like the possibility of reinventing my life if I needed to.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way along with the free advice!
At this point, it feels like an unattractive job in an unattractive place is just another round of miserable bullshit. Canceling seems reasonable.
Agree with the above. Time to consider other options; either someplace you like or someplace they'll pay you lots. But it does indeed sound very stressful and I am sorry that you are going through this.
Wise move. But sorry it's so stressful.
Tried to post before but it was swept by the ether...
I think you made the right call.
Thing is, as we gain experience and build careers, we begin to learn what works for us and what doesn't.
I've just come out of a long search process myself (long search to find a bad job that only lasted a few months, then another long search to find what I think is a great fit.) It sucks when you're terrified of being out of work, I know that feeling so well.
But it's important not to panic, and to keep looking for something that will be a fit for you - not just something that might keep body and soul together but is true to your *self* and your innate worth.
Hang in there. You'll make it.
The upside to this bad situation (and I'm sorry that you're going through it) is that you know what is too far in the "don't ever want" direction. Academia has a way of making people think it's the only option. It's not.
An alternative perspective: I took a "last chance saloon" job, got out within a year, and have always been grateful for the year I had at "last chance saloon" University.
Ah, anonymous, if only these were four-year schools I was talking about! A community college where nobody knows what college is like or has a degree is another experience entirely.
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