Why, oh why, does Dissertation Buddy get the fortune cookie that reads "you will be successful in your career"? Waaah! I don't care if I have the silent support of friends and loved ones! Why can't I get the career and the academic success, oh Fortune Cookie of Doom?
Yes, I'd like a large order of meaningless superstition with a steaming side of self pity, please. Your lucky numbers are 8, 14, 6, and 67.